Red Flags

So my happiness has been curbed. I got a call from our attorney's office on Monday. It was an associate attorney following up on our progress. She asked if we or if our agency had received any paper work from the birthmother in regards to the alleged fathers termination of parental rights. We were told that he had no problem with the adoption plan and would gladly sign papers. As far as we know that is still the case, except we still haven't received any paperwork and the birthmother has had it for 3 weeks. It could be that she hasn't seen him (they are not together). The other problem we have is her husband who is legally considered the presumed father. Even if he is not the bio father he has the same legal rights to this child as the birthmother does because they are married. We have been told that he doesn't know if it is his child but he doesn't agree with an adoption plan. The birthmother is 99% sure this is not his child. He was placed in jail at the time she conceived (she believes she conceived) because he molested her teenage daughter and gave her pot. We have been told that he has plead guilty to these felony charges which would be wonderful for us, but I don't have any paperwork showing that.

We have talked about this situation and feel that it is in our best interest and the best interest of the child to not proceed with this birthmom if by the time she gets here we don't have the following items:

• Termination of parental rights by the alleged father (bio dad)
• Copy of court records showing that the husband (legal father until proven otherwise) has plead guilty of felony child molestation.

If these two items can be produced by the time she arrives here, than I feel we can make this work. If she can't, than we have decided to not take this baby boy. As much as it breaks my heart to type these words, I know that it will hurt more to have a baby taken out of our home once we have bonded and loved on him.

I hate adoption right now but even more, I hate infertility! I hate that we have to go through this. I hate the fact that I was too much of a wimp with the injectable infertility meds, mostly Repronex. I hate that I couldn't hide better how awful they made me feel because I feel like my wimpyness made Alex hurt too much for me and that is why we moved on to adoption. I have NO doubt that I will love a child, adopted or bio more than life its self. But I just wish I could get knocked up and have a little control over the building of our family. Right now we have no control! I can't plan anything right now because I don't know if I'll have a baby in 3 weeks.

I hate this so much! I'm not even sad or mad I'm just disappointed and upset. I wish this part of our lives would have come easy. I just hope I can hold this baby boy in my arms, call him my son and know that everyone involved in his creation wants us to be his parents.

If you can, think positve thoughts for us and for this baby boy. I hope he will be our son, but only if he is supposed to be our son.