It's all in the cards!

So, I haven't read my Australian Outback Animal Tarot cards lately. But today, my girlfriend Lisa mentioned that I should read her cards because she has a dilemma. Well, I didn't read for her but instead bravely read my own cards with our current adoption situation as my focus. I did a three card spread, past, present and future. Boy was I floored with the results.

Past: Ten of Air (Tasmanian Masked Owl) "Vision, Family Relationships, Prosperity & intuition". What this card means in my opinion is that I have had a vision for a family and we have been prosperous and that I have an intuition for what is going to happen.

Present: Six of Earth (Bilby) " fulfillment, solitude, Award, Conquer your fears". For me the fear conquering bit was the biggest stand out. I feel like quitting my job was a big step toward conquering my fears. I think it's obvious I want a child but deep down inside there's a little, teeny tiny piece of me that worried about how it will all work out money wise. So now that I have scratched that off the list, I wonder if it will open my mind and my body up more to the reality of motherhood and being a stay-at-home-mom. I do feel a sense of fulfillment in my life that I haven't had. I feel like a better wife already, just giving notice to my work has enabled me to release the pressure of being good at something other than being a good wife or mother. And yes, I do consider myself a mother now. Anyone less than 8 weeks away from giving birth would consider herself a mother.

Future: This was the best card of all!!!! It was the Knight of Air (Brush Turkey), " Unexpected Visit, share, movement, young man". I think it's pretty clear that this adoption is going to work out. Although I won't be surprised if our little Jake makes an early arrival. While the word share kind of pushes buttons for an adoptive mom like myself, if I think of it from the perspective of the birthmom sharing herself, than I feel the need to share back. I wish it wasn't as hard for me to be warm and fuzzy and loving with this amazing women. I guess there is a large part of me that is jealous of her ability to have my son. Yes, my son. I do believe is some absurd way that this little boy is destined to be mine. Maybe this will all backfire on me, maybe I'm a nut case but right now this is how I feel. I need to feel this way now. I need the comfort of knowing that all the work I'm putting into inducing lactation and all the mental effort I have put into being a mom and all the hopes and dreams I've had for so many years won't be flushed down the drain. I know our baby will find us and I'm 99% sure he just has!