Proven Otherwise
So I've been proven otherwise. My motto has always kind of been that for two weeks out of every month I can consider myself pregnant. The two weeks from ovulation until my period starts is my time to treat myself like I'm pregnant and act like I'm blissfully happy and knocked up. Well this beautiful Monday morning I have been proven not pregnant. I was hoping it didn't bother me as much as it is, but I'm glad it still bothers me, because it means that I'm not seeing adoption as a cure all. There will always be a little part of me that wants the experience of pregnancy and child birth. I will always feel a little disappointed that I haven't had that experience. Mothering and nurturing I will get from the child meant for me. I want to make sure that if we do adopt and we have a biological child after that he or she will always know that I didn't choose pregnancy because adoption didn't work. I hope that I will get pregnant one day for the experience, not just the baby. Although I really want 2 or more kids, so I don't want any future biological children to think I only got pregnant for the experience. Is any of this making sense?
Moving on and moving forward I'm going to focus on inducing lactation so that I can nurse our little one. Here are a few of things I can't wait to not be able to do:
- Not being able to type with both hands because I'll have a baby in my arms
- Not being able to sleep straight through the night
- Not answering the phone because I have a baby who needs my attention
- Not being able to take a shower any time I feel like it
- Not being able to jump in the car for a coffee without strapping a baby in a car seat
- Not being able to go watch Alex play in pool tournaments at Dk's because it is a bar, no babies allowed
- Not having to say "No, just us two, no kids yet"
- Not having people ask me "How's the adoption process going? Any news yet?"
- Not having to worry about never being a mother
posted by Away2me @ 6:24 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Sorry to post here, Deanna... I would simply have emailed you but I couldn't find an email link.
I'm Manuela... the author of the Thin Pink Line blog... and while I understand you haven't had the time to read my entire "Adoption Saga"... who can blame you... it would take hours, I'm sure.
But without recreating all my entries... let me just say... that in my own personal experience... (I certainly do not claim to speak for other adoptees) ... I can speak loudly and clearly to the experience of having suffered lifelong issues regarding what I believe you referred to as a 'primal wound' over on Kateri's site. I didn't even know I was adopted until I was twenty-five... so much of my baggage was held at a strictly self-conscious level until recently.
I thought I had absolutely no issues as a result of having been given up for adoption... truly... but as soon as I started my infertile journey en route to parenthood... holy SMOKES did this crap come screaming to the surface. In fact... my blog was never ever supposed to be about my adoption saga... but it went careening off in that direction seemingly of its own accord.
OH! And one more thing... until I was forced into accepting my own pain surrounding my own adoption... I firmly firmly believed as you do... that the adoptees really aren't affected at a deeply emotional level if they are surrendered at a very young age.
In fact... I have to thank you... in writing this comment I quickly realized there is a whole entire aspect of my adoption that I haven't even explored yet... When I get around to it I'll send you the link.
Thanks for listening!
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