I feel like shit! But at least we are MATCHTED!

So day 4 of Repronex and I'm feeling like shit. Yesterday afternoon might have been the worst I have felt since having the aneurysm scare back in July 2002. I was a wimp in front of Alex yesterday and I tried so hard not to be. But when I see him I just melt. He was so sweet, he ran me a hot bath and bought me advil and sleeping pills; both of which worked wonders. The advil took away a lot of the ache and the sleeping pills allowed me to sleep through till 5:30 this morning. I did get up around 1:00 to pee but I fell back asleep pretty quickly after that. Alex also fixed dinner and cleaned up the dishes. I'm thinking I could get used to that!

No word from our birthmother counselor about the phone meeting with M. I was hoping it would be today but it looks like it is going to be Tuesday, which is fine. I was going to call her but decided against it. I'm just going to let things flow with this match. I'm going to try not to worry about if she calls or if she emails, I'm just going to let this journey ride out on it's own terms. Releasing myself to whatever happens really makes things easier. It even makes this cycle of IUI easier. I really don't care if I get pregnant. In fact, I know this is going to sound awful but there is a tiny bit of me that thinks I may not want to get pregnant. Then there's the other little side of me thinks that with that attitude I will get pregnant. Maybe it's a defense mechanism that I have created for myself, maybe secretly I'm trying very hard to get pregnant. Who knows, I know I did do my shot again last night, even after feeling so awful.... that says something about my willingness to get pregnant. Thank goodness I have the world's greatest husband that doesn't care one way or the other, he only wants to see me happy. I'm counting the minutes until he gets home today so that I can tell him how much I love him.