Shrink!

Well, I have taken the assvice of my new blogging friend Julie and I have an appointment with a shrink to discuss why I'm having issues with adoption all of a sudden. I didn't sleep at all last night, well I didn't sleep after 2:oo am this morning. My head is just spinning right now with so much stuff going on. I try so hard not to worry about the adoption that now I can't think about anything for very long. It's like ADD.

Part of being wound up is because of my competition tomorrow with my dog Grace. This is a big trial and she stands a chance to do very well. Right now my husband and my dogs are the only two things keeping me happy.

I also hate the non-photographer part of my job. I really hated it today. I hate feeling like an ad sales person. I hate sales. Hate, hate, hate. Yesterday I photographed 3 restaurants in down town San Diego as well as a swanky hotel and spa. It was a fun day. Today, I'm editing, calling and scheduling next weeks shoots and I hate it. I hate people telling me no. I don't take rejection well. Maybe that's why I'm having such a difficult time with not getting chosen by a birthmom, it's rejection in the most significant sense. I guess we aren't worthy of a child, not adopted or biological. I know I need to get of the pitty pot, but I just don't feel like it yet.

My house looks like a bomb went off in it. I have stacks of laundry I need to do plus I need to vacuum, organize my office, fill orders, finish grouting the tile in both bathrooms, clean out the garage that is covered with roofing dust and crap, the list goes on and on and on. The work load never seems to slow down and I'm so fricking sick of being tired! I'm sick of being over weight, over tired and not good at my job. If I only had to do my photo shoots I would be a very happy camper. I'm beginning to think I've bitten off more than I can chew. But the money is so good. How many people get the opportunity that I have... make lots of money, work from home and continue with thier own clientele/business? How can I give this up?

I think we need to look at finances and see if it is a real possibility. I think I would be so much happier. Alex's job is great and the money is wonderful. We wouldn't be able to run down to Baja and rent a beach house for the weekend or fly to Las Vegas for the weekend but we could still live life pretty much the same without my income... I think.